With Friends Like These

Songs to listen to while reading this: With Friends Like These, album by Bangalore based band Short Round Yesterday was a couple of lovely people’s birthday. Both of them my classmates and friends from childhood. Now, the thing about Nahan, where we all grew up together, is that roaming around on the roads and market with […]

When The Time On My Mobile Phone Wouldn’t Change

Last night I had a horrid dream. Bone shaking me to my core, I have never had such a sweaty nightmare ever before. I dream very less (if I do, I don’t remember most of them). Last night’s -mare ingrained in my memory very starkly. Details need too much background information about my family members. […]

A Clock Story: When I Didn’t Know How To Count Time

My mum married at 22. She has some of my childhood photographs but no video. So she, my brother and I revisit my mischiefs by the mimics my mother emulates from when I was small. This one time, mum came home tired after school (she’s a high school physics teacher). She mimics how I kept […]

When I Tell Them To Turn Off Their Two Wheeler’s Headlight

I’m on a motorbike a lot. I’ve my father’s Royal Enfield (a.k.a Bullet a.k.a Bullt (Punjabi folks would understand)), and I’ve a Yamaha Fazer. This noon when I got out to run some errands, I found an unusual lot of people on their two wheelers with their headlight on during the daylight. I get irritated […]

An Ode To Cockroaches

Cockroaches, I can understand that
if you had our ears, you would
run at the screams of my little sister,
who screams like she had seen a monster
crawling on the walls of the washroom
when instead she had just seen you
strolling in the late evening
basking the glory of tubelight.

But me, I come from peace,
I’m not disgusted by your existence.
I do not get flabbergasted by your
occasional flying skills. Infact I,
say hi to you when I come to brush.

But you, you go haywire in fear.
Do you sweat? Is there something
equivalent to that, that you do?
You needn’t, I wish I could talk
and tell you that I love you, and that
I do not want to kill you.

I Didn’t Use To Wear Underwears Until 6th Grade, Here’s Why

  1. I was so proud of the fact that I didn’t have to take the help of the other hand, to keep it out of the underwear during the duration of peeing.
  2. And this was relatively unhealthy habit until I was advised against it but, I used to not use my hands at all. I’d just unzip, and let my penis hang out, and off I’d pee. The unhealthy habit was that I didn’t use to lift my foreskin up before peeing. Which resulted in a thick fire hose shot rather than straight, to the directed point.

Gross details? Well :D. Ammm… but I simply can’t understand one thing. Whenever I’d go peeing in the public toilets, there would always be men having one arm resting against the shoulder height demarcation wall and the other arm resting on the front wall, relieving themselves like they were having as much pleasure as of having sex or something. Not that I peek, but I’m astounded by the fact that they manage to keep their foreskin back without constantly using a hand to keep it up! I mean, this seems physically impossible, since foreskin tends to loosen up and cover the tip of the penis like it was an elastic band meant to come back to its mean state.

I mean HOW!

 

Why Cockroaches Are Vampires, Missing Of Indian Toilets And Other Things

indiantoilet

Cockroaches are vampires, because well you know, they are on the move in the dark and hide with light like it was burning their body. Unlike vampires though they do not know when my foot is so close to them that if I was to inadvertently place it on ’em they would most probably be out of this world in a jiffy. Also a similarity with the vampires is, that they have this superpower to not die of a bomb. But the weird thing about this is that, they are easily killed with a crush.

I miss Indian style toilets. I used to hate them at one point of time. Hate them like I would want to burn them down. But I fell in love with them when I went to college. Common floor bathrooms would have 3-4 Indian style toilets and one English style. Because many people who had never squatted and pooped before would always capture the English style before, odds would heavily be that one would (if one could! 😀 ), would have to go in the Indian style.

Like many things there are tradeoffs, which is to say there are both advantages and disadvantages of Indian style toilets. The advantages are, no matter how small a pressure’s been made in your bowel, accumulated waste would flow like it was going through a water slide, effortlessly. It would rush so elegantly and at the right speed that you’d love how fast you’d been relieved. Also there are less chances of this happening

it2

At the same time, the disadvantages of an Indian style toilet are that, your feet would probably get numb if you are sleepy, which is true most mornings, you are likely to topple back, because it’s hard to balance when you are squatting for long.

You’d be able to see your 💩 as soon as you look down a bit, sitting right there, brown/yellow/blackish-brown solid/semi-solid/semi-liquid/liquid depending on your stomach conditions.

The biggest disadvantage would be that if you like to take your mobile in the toilet to scroll numerous social feeds, there are more chances that your mobile will end up with your 💩 and you’ll be staring at your 💩 wondering if you should bring your cleaning gloves to take it out. If and when you do, there would be more questions staring back at ya.

Is it working properly? Should I put it in the sun? Should I heat it near gas or heater? Would the smell of the 💩 ever go?

I forgot the other things, that I was to write about. Maybe next time, if I remember ’em.

Edit: I did remember some! They are listed towards the end: https://bullshit.ist/why-cockroaches-are-vampires-missing-of-indian-toilets-and-other-things-b1f8e8c24421